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You Never Know When You’ll Have an Impact

You never know when you’ll have an impact on someone, so keep your eyes open for opportunities. I’m not sure my eyes were open when I entered the college classroom to teach a theology class. There, sitting at the back of the room with one of his friends, was Tanner. Before the class even started Tanner began to engage me and the entire class with his humor. He was already joking about the amount of homework, or some inside joke he had with one of his friends, or what the first assignment was going to be.

Tanner

Of all the students in the class, Tanner was the one I thought I might impact the least. I wasn’t sure that he’d be engaged or anxious to learn what we had in front of us. But as the class proceeded over the next few months, I found Tanner to be thoughtful in his response (albeit, often with a joke included!), faithful in his studies, and ready to take on challenges.

It turned out that wasn’t the last time I had Tanner in one of my classes. Nor was it the last time I would encounter him in everyday life. There was the time my wife and I gave him and his roommates a large screen TV. There was the time I ran into him in the university library and had a great chat. There was the time he came and visited our new congregation in Florida, even after we had moved away from Milwaukee.

And there was the time he asked for support for his Kickstarter campaign to record a “spoken word” album…and the time he asked for a reference for a job he desperately wanted.

Then there was the time I opened up the CD packaging for his dream-fulfilling “spoken word” album, only to see my name listed amongst those he was “thanking.” It brought me almost to the point of tears. I wondered what I had done to be thanked. Really all I had done was recognize a person with unique gifts and talents, and encouraged him at times along the way to pursue his dreams. Apparently that encouragement meant something to Tanner. And it meant more to me than he will ever know that he simply thanked me for having a small part in pursuing his dream.

This is what all adults ought to do, not only with their own children, but with any younger people with whom they have influence. Encourage them to dream, and hope, and live, and love, and chase after what makes her heart fly or his adrenaline rush. It’s the reason one of the highlights of every month is to meet together with four young men who have become a part of my year-long mentoring group. We read. We encourage one another. We push each other. We joke around. We support hopes and dreams. We value open and honest discussions.

And I see right in front of me dreams being planned and pursued, and even coming true.

So thank you, Tanner, for the “thank you.” You have had an impact on me by making me realize that a little encouragement goes a long way. I will never forget the joy and laughter you brought to our classes there at good old CUW. But more than that, I’m looking forward to seeing where your life leads next.

And, by the way, Tanner also got the job.

Whom is it in your web of relationships that you can impact and encourage to chase after her or his dream?

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God Uses Even Jerks

God has always used jerks. He used people like Abraham, David, and even Paul. All of them had their jerky moments.

John Mayer

He even uses jerks who don’t even know they are being used by Him. Like John Mayer.

Not long ago I was on a flight from San Antonio to Orlando. One of my favorite places to be is 30,000 feet in the air. It’s free from disruption and interruption. It’s a great place to do some reading and to put ear buds in and listen to some music. For me, it’s a pleasant, solitary experience in the best possible way.

So after we climbed high enough to be allowed to operate electronic devices, I decided to turn on some John Mayer and read a good book. Now John has had his problems and issues. Many people would consider him a jerk. But in that moment, on that plane, with his music playing in my ears, God was using him to bring pleasure into my life.

As I listened to John Mayer’s music, I was taken back to times and places I had forgotten. I was filled with a spectrum of emotions. I was overwhelmed by songwriting brilliance and incredible skill on the guitar.

One of the reasons God gives us vocation in life is to serve others. Sometimes we do so without even knowing it. John Mayer has been given the vocation of entertainer. And that’s what he is, in the best sense of the word…at least for me. He brings pleasure and emotion through his music. I guess you could say I had a “music high” on an airplane high above the ground.

John Mayer’s “jerkiness” is well-documented. But he and his music can still be used in a way that serves others. He certainly serves me when his music is introduced into my life at just the right time. Like music often does, it takes me back to places and times that mean a great deal to me. It rouses emotion that brings a good kind of melancholy, a pure kind of joy, and an encounter with certain kinds of truth.

In the end, we’re all jerks, because we have all fallen far short of the will of God. And yet He uses us to serve others in ways that we may not even know. No matter what your “vocation” may be, it is a gift of God to others.

So thanks, John Mayer, “jerk” that you may be, your music serves me in ways you probably don’t even know or understand.

Whose music speaks to you and serves you more than any other?

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Ryan Braun, Aaron Rodgers, and the Price of True Friendship

Ryan Braun and Aaron Rodgers, the stars of my two favorite professional sports franchises, are in the midst of teaching us a lesson on the price of true friendship. I wonder how it will turn out.

Ascension Pentecost

To know me is to know that I am the die hard of all die hard Milwaukee Brewers fan. I have been a fan since they came to town in 1970. For thirteen years we held a partial season ticket package. I have all manner of clothing that reflects my fandom. My car now sports a Florida license plate on the back, and a Milwaukee Brewers license plate on the front.

Even after allegations of steroid use (and an overturned “failed test”) I supported the now-suspended Ryan Braun, naively believed him, and even defended him to those who (more rationally) didn’t believe his lies. I am hurt, disappointed, and still sorting through all my other feelings.

I don’t know Ryan Braun personally, but I’m certain those who do know him have feelings that are much more magnified than mine. In fact, some, including Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, have come out and spoken about it. Rodgers is reportedly very disappointed that Braun repeatedly lied to his face. The quarterback says that he believes in forgiveness, but won’t say if he still considers Braun a friend.

It seems to me that’s exactly what true friendship is all about. Far be it from me to criticize my favorite football player and the “idol” of all “Packer Nation,” but true friendship means forgiving and forgetting. It means doing whatever one can to “put the best construction” on our friend’s behavior, call him to repentance, help him in his rehabilitation, and stick with him through thick and thin.

True friendship has a price. Sometimes it costs our comfort, a bit of our own dignity, and maybe even part of our reputation. In fact, true friendship means backing our friends with our very life.

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). And we all know what He did for His friends.

Now, I’m certainly not putting Aaron Rodgers on par with Jesus. But if I would ever mess up as publicly as did Ryan Braun, I would want (no, need) a friend who stands by me, forgives me, calls me to repentance, and helps me to rehabilitate my life.

I bet you’d want the same.

And it’s actually what we get. Regardless of whether we mess up publicly or privately, we all mess up (i.e., sin). We all need the perfect Friend who is, in fact, not only willing but in actuality does give His life. We have a Savior who has given His life for us. He covers over the ugliness of our sin, forgives us, enables our repentance, and rehabilitates our lives.

I’m told that Aaron Rodgers is a Christian. In light of that, I ask you, Aaron, to not only forgive your friend, Ryan, but to continue to be a friend to him.

In your opinion, what is the essence of true friendship?

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Home Isn’t Just Where the Heart Is

They say you can’t go back home. But that’s what we did recently for our first vacation since we left Milwaukee one year ago. My wife, Tammy, and I went back home, but it really isn’t “home” any more.

Home

In a sense, Milwaukee will always be my “home,” because it’s where I was born and raised. We still have family there, and wonderful friends. But since then “home” has been St. Louis, western North Carolina, the Washington, D.C., area, and then Milwaukee again…for another fifteen years.

Now we live in Florida. Yes, it’s hot and humid in the summer. Yes, it’s a sea of strip malls. Yes, we have alligators occasionally roaming our neighborhood.

But this is now home. The winters are wonderful. The people we have come to know are great. Our parish has become a family to us.

Yet what really makes it home is that we, Tammy and I, are here together. Our kids now think of this as home. It feels like home when I drive up to our house after a long trip. It’s a place of rest, a place of peace, a sanctuary and fortress against all that the outside world would throw at us.

It is, of course, a shadow of our true Home. Our lives as Christians lean in that direction. When we get to that Place there will be a true sense of togetherness, community, and family. There will be rest, peace, sanctuary and fortress against all that could ever again harm us or make us sad.

They say you can’t go back home. But “they” don’t understand that home is not just where the heart is, it is where our true life lies. We lean toward it and long for it.

What about your home is it that reminds you of your true, eternal home?

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A Lesson in Persistence from Mama Turtle

On Mother’s Day my wife, Tammy, opened our front door only to find a very large turtle lounging just outside. It scared her half to death. Through the screen door we kept checking on our persistent new friend. As the afternoon wore on, my daughter and I did a little research and determined it was probably a snapping turtle. We also discovered that the only reason a turtle of this kind would be out of the water would be to find a place to lay eggs. Uh oh.

Coahuilan Box Turtle

So we poked and prodded it a bit. But to no avail. The turtle stayed just where it was. It wouldn’t move. It was stubbornly persistent.

Finally, we all had to leave the house to go somewhere. What would we find when we returned? Would the turtle still be there? Would there be eggs and a turtle? Would there be only eggs? Would it be gone?

When we got home, we opened the front door and the turtle was gone. We haven’t seen it since.

It was a little lesson in persistence and perseverance. Hold your ground until you reach your goal.

The other day Pastor Rick Warren tweeted: You never know how close you are to a breakthrough. It may be just around the corner. #DontQuit

Though Mrs. Turtle was made to be uncomfortable, in an unfamiliar atmosphere, and ready to strike if necessary, she was stubbornly persistent. The “breakthrough” came when she was able to find her way to safety came because she was patient. Her breakthrough was right around the corner. When we left, and stopped bothering her, she made her break for it. She hopefully found a more appropriate place to lay her eggs. It may just have been the perfect Mother’s Day for Mama Turtle.

So be like Mama Turtle: Hold your ground until you reach your goal. You never know how close you are to a breakthrough. It may be just around the corner. Don’t quit.

What is it that you are ready to give up? Could it be that the breakthrough is just around the corner?

What advice would you give to someone who is ready to give up their goal or their dream?

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Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ve probably noticed that recent posts have been fewer and further between. To be honest, I’ve hit a bit of a slump. Oh, I’ve had plenty of ideas for posts. The problem is, those posts would have been far too honest. I have encountered hurts and heartaches, ideas and brainstorms, thoughts and plans that simply were not for public consumption. At least not yet. Perhaps someday they’ll find their way into a post, or into a book.

justice statue with sword and scale. cloudy sky in the backgroun

Honesty is not always the best policy. Sometimes silence is a better policy.

Sometimes it’s OK to be controversial or to post something that draws a great deal of discussion. But there are times when it’s simply better to remain silent. Some of the posts I considered might have damaged already frail relationships or brought more stress where more stress was not what I really needed.

A few lessons:

  1. Silence is sometimes better than forcing content. In this day and age of over-sharing on social media, there are times when we’d rather you remain silent than post something that might hurt or offend.
  2. Honesty, when it reveals more than ought to be revealed, is best kept for another time. Jot notes. Keep a log. Write posts for publication at a time when times change, relationships have been healed, or things are different.
  3. Tap into creative reserves. One of my mistakes through this dry spell is failing to find creativity in areas of life in which I have not been preoccupied. It would have been well for me to do this or this.

How do you deal with creative drought or thoughts that ought not yet see the light of day?

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How to Raise a Son

This past weekend we watched our only son, Ben, graduate from college. College graduation is a milestone not only for a student, but also for the parents of that student. It marks years of care, nurture, counsel, advice, time, and effort. When our daughter graduated from college I wrote a post entitled, “How to Raise a Daughter.” Here’s the corresponding post.

Father and Son

I’m not presumptuous enough to say that I have all the answers, or that I could prescribe the perfect way to raise a son. But these are some of the things that worked well for my wife, Tammy, and me, and could work well for you, too.

  1. Express your love as frequently and in as many ways as you can. It’s OK for a dad to say, “I love you” to his son. Hugs and literal “pats on the back” from both mom and dad express love and care in tangible ways. In a world that tends to beat people down, boys need to know that they are loved. Unconditionally. In as many ways as possible. And demonstrate what love really looks like by loving your spouse.
  2. Encourage creativity. When Ben was young we provided him with as many creative materials as we could put in his hands. Sometimes, as a young child, he would spend hours simply using boxes and paper bags to create things that still boggle my mind. Creativity is useful all the way throughout life, from school through a career. Encourage it.
  3. Teach, support, and reward good study habits. That means helping in any way possible, and if you don’t know it or understand it, find someone who does. Lots of people are willing to help kids discover, study, and learn.
  4. Provide opportunities in sports, the arts, and music. Over the years, Ben played organized baseball, performed in plays and musicals (including Shakespeare), took piano and guitar lessons, sang in choirs, and organized bands of his own. Let a boy choose which direction he’d like to go…and if he wants to do it all, let him (within reason).
  5. Be involved. While Ben was playing baseball, I coached. In fact, I was a coach for his baseball teams every year but one. He knew that I cared enough about him to be there as often as I could. And we made it a point to attend just about all of his performances and concerts.
  6. Teach him respect for girls. It starts at home when dad shows respect for mom. But it also comes through conversations encouraging a boy to be a “gentleman”…to hold the door open, to compliment others, and to draw proper boundaries.
  7. Help him to appreciate the value of hard work and money. This can be done through the responsible use of “allowance,” taking on part time jobs, even the value of studying hard to work toward a desired outcome. When boys learn at an early age to value these things, later on in life they don’t expect things to be handed to them on a “silver platter.”
  8. Balance firm discipline with age-appropriate latitude. Boys need boundaries. They will test those boundaries. Those boundaries should remain firm. When those boundaries are crossed there must be consequences. On the other hand, with age comes more freedom and responsibility. As he grows older, let out an appropriate amount of slack.
  9. Communicate with him. Communication was important from the time Ben was little. But it became even more important as he moved into high school and college. Tammy and I made it a point to always be ready to listen, to discuss, to give appropriate advice, and then let Ben make decisions based on what he had heard and learned. I think if you’d ask Ben, he’d probably tell you that he especially appreciated close communication as he moved nine hours away from home and went to college. He knew he always had someone to talk to…and to listen.
  10. Take him to church, bring him up in the church, make church a regular part of every week. When he is a child take him to church and Sunday School every Sunday. When he is in high school make church attendance an expectation, not an option. When he is in college, personally help him find a church home that is suitable to him. This includes praying for him all along the way. Bar none, this is the most important of these ten items.

This is not an exclusive list, so what would you add to it?

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Boston Balloons

Just after the first Boston Marathon bomb went off there were three yellow balloons that floated off into the air. It was a reminder of celebration in the midst of tragedy. In fact, tragedy isn’t the word for it. Brutality? Terror? Calamity? Catastrophe?

Yellow Balloons

But those balloons. They reminded me of the miracle of Jesus’ ascension. When He ascended, He didn’t go away. He transformed His presence so that now He was not limited to time and space. As a result of His ascension He was now able to be present everywhere, all the time.

That means He was present, too, at the site of the bombing in Boston. C.S. Lewis once said, “There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan.”

People went to the finish line of the Boston Marathon to celebrate the incredible achievement of someone near and dear. Instead, Satan counter-claimed ground that rightly belongs to God the Creator, and terror rained down as people were badly injured and even lost their lives.

But God counter-claimed it once again as people went running to help. It was counter-claimed as first responders risked their lives, as strangers cared, as doctors and nurses attended, as people prayed, sought the Lord, and found His peace.

God counter-claimed it all, not as people asked, “Why?” He counter-claimed it as people asked, “Where?” “Where is God in all of this.” He counter-claimed it as people remembered or were reminded that God did not even spare His own Son, but gave Him up as an atoning sacrifice for the sins of the world.

In the midst of the worst evil the world can know, God is present. We know that He is because He was present on the cross of Good Friday to redeem the world from all sin and from all evil.

God is present even where evil seems to reign. He is there to forgive, to redeem, to bring peace, to show love, and to save.

Three yellow balloons floating away from the explosion reminded me that the Triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is present for His people. 

He never leaves us or forsakes us. 

He is with us always. 

If we can celebrate nothing else in the midst of tragedy, we celebrate our ascended, present, peace-giving Lord. He loves, forgives, and saves.

Where do you see God in the midst of tragedy?

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The Building Block of Building Trust

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trust. It’s because I’ve been witnessing far too much mistrust. Mistrust makes progress so much more difficult. It creates more hurdles than there need be. It erects barriers that are difficult to climb.

Turst

As I sit back and watch certain circles of mistrust, I think to myself: “I know both of these people, and they’re both good people. Why don’t they trust one another?” 

What it boils down to is that they really don’t know one another. I can remember being on the ground floor of building a community organizing group in Milwaukee. We hired an extremely well-qualified individual to lead our organization. He and I seemed to have little in common. We liked each other well enough, but I certainly never thought we would become friends.

That’s exactly why he intentionally took the time to sit down with me, one-on-one, and took the time to get to me…and I him. We got to know each other not as “labels,” but as people, individuals with families,with likes and dislikes, with passions and pursuits. As a result, we have become great friends.

The key to trust is getting to know someone else as a person. I love the old quote: “Be nice, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

  • Don’t mistrust
  • Don’t dislike
  • Don’t look askance
  • Don’t think you can’t be a friend to someone….

Until you have taken the time to really get to know someone.

Trust makes the world a much better place. It makes progress easier. It makes hurdles disappear. It tears down barriers.

Whom is it that you most mistrust right now? What would happen if you sat down, face to face, and really got to know her or him?

I challenge you to give it a try. You may be greatly surprised at the results.

At the very least, you will develop an empathy for the hard battle someone else is fighting. 

What advice do you have for building trust?

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Why Spend Your Life Doing the Same Thing and Not Growing?

Immediately I knew we were in the presence of greatness. Bruce Hornsby came out looking unkempt but proper. He bowed to the audience, sat down, and put his hands to the keys of the piano. The jazz, classical, Motown, and pop influenced tunes were almost unbelievable in their complexity and nuanced diversity. Classical jazz stylings were mixed with pop. When he finally took a break to speak, Horsnby said: “Why spend your life doing the same thing and not growing?”

Piano Keyboard

As a result, he played familiar songs that were now not quite as familiar. He wove songs and styles together. He seemed to be growing in his passion and skill even as the concert moved on.

“Why spend your life doing the same thing and not growing?” Bruce Hornsby made it clear that he is a lifelong student. He can’t stop learning. He adds wisdom and skill to his musicianship and creates something new every time he sits down at the piano. It was a magical night being in the presence of greatness.

I agree with Hornsby. It’s one of the reasons I set aside time each day to peruse my Twitter feed. Every single day I learn something new through blogs, articles, and posts that come via Twitter. It truly is the “educational” version of social media.

The longer you’ve been doing something, the more it will be beneficial to you and to those you serve, or work with, or teach, to do something that will bring growth:

  • Read
  • Try a new teaching style
  • Ask someone who knows nothing about your work to make a suggestion
  • Mix genres
  • Write something bold
  • Listen to a child
  • Peruse Twitter
  • Start a discussion on Social Media

The more you learn and grow, the more excellent you will be in your skills. You will have something to pass on to someone else. She will be inspired to get away from “doing the same thing” and finding opportunity for growth. It’s contagious.

At least it was for me after I watched and listened to Bruce Hornsby masterfully play the piano and sing.

It’s a great question. 

Why?

Why spend your life doing the same thing and not growing?

What do you every day to “grow”?