How to Raise Christian Children in a Sinful World

I have often failed as a parent. I need as much forgiveness from my children as they are willing to give. But, having said that, I couldn’t be more proud of the people they have become. And much of that is due to the wonderful influence of their mother.

But here are a few words of advice from a parent and grandparent who is still trying to do his best in those roles:

Children are a priority. Even and especially above work. Work will always be there. Children grow up very, very quickly and need the presence and TIME of their parents. Being a parish pastor for me was a 24-hour-a-day job. I could have worked every waking minute of every day. But I always made sure to take my day off. And I always made sure to do whatever I could to give not leftover time, but prime time to my children. That meant attending Ashlyn’s shows as often as I possibly could. It meant coaching Ben’s baseball teams all the way through high school. It meant attending their events and being present for significant moments in their lives. I wouldn’t trade those minutes, moments, and hours for anything.

Children need boundaries. As children grow up they will test boundaries to see how far those boundaries can stretch and how much they can get away with. As much as children may dislike boundaries, they are actually a source of comfort. Deep down inside children know that boundaries mean they are loved. Boundaries mean telling toddlers to keep their hands off of a hot stove and teenagers to be home by their curfew (I can’t tell you the number of times my wife, Tammy, and I heard the gate at our Milwaukee house slam at the stroke of midnight — or whatever the curfew was — as Ben made it home just in the nick of time. But Ben and Ashlyn always made it home by curfew). Boundaries indicate care and love.

Children are wet cement. Tammy and I read a book by this title years and years ago. But it still applies. Little ears hear everything their parents say, especially when they are talking to other people. Children become what parents say they are. So, when speaking to other people about your children (when they are in your presence), praise them, speak highly of them, and show with your words that you are proud of them.

Children need love and forgiveness. Being a parent means always unconditionally loving your children. It’s not always easy. In fact, it is sometimes downright difficult. Sometimes love means discipline. Sometimes love means simply holding a child who’s hurting physically or emotionally. Children will sometimes do downright mean things and act as though they hate you. But a Christian parent will model the forgiveness of Jesus. Forgiven children learn to forgive and loved children learn to love.

Have fun with your children. There is plenty of time to do homework and chores. There is plenty of time to be serious and businesslike. Take a break sometimes. Play a game. Watch a movie. Laugh. Read a funny book. Play catch. Ride bikes. Go get ice cream. Have fun!

Fuel your children’s dreams. This means having high expectations for your children. But it also means allowing them the opportunity to do the things about which they are passionate. And it also means taking the words “I can’t” out of their vocabulary. Encourage children to at least TRY before they say, “I can’t.” The world will tell them that they can’t. Your job is to tell them they CAN (or that they can at least TRY).

Give children Jesus. There is nothing — NOTHING — more important than this. Remind them of their baptism. Take them to church every Sunday. Give them a Christian education. Pray with them. Read the Bible with them every night. Listen to Christian music and podcasts. When they go to college help them find a church home. Pray that they will one day marry a Christian spouse. Give children Jesus. It matters for eternity.

Dear Crosby, On Your First Day of School

Dear Crosby:

You just left our house after a Saturday afternoon together. Earlier today your mom texted us and said that you kept saying you wanted to come over to our house. We had other tentative plans for the evening, but whenever you say you want to come over to our house we pretty much cancel everything and make plans to have you over. So we went to the grocery store to get burgers to throw on the grill, and of course some watermelon because you and your little sister, Colbie, love it.

Sometimes when you leave our house I wish you were old enough to text with me. I wish I could text you right now and say, “That was so much fun! I can’t wait until you come over again!” We did all the stuff you love to do at our house. Play with our huge bin full of cars. Color in our coloring books and play with play-doh that Grandmom makes from scratch.

You love to play in what you call “my room,” because it’s “your room” when you sleep over. You and Colbie love to jump on the bed in there, and we let you. You love to open the plastic eggs in that room where Grandmom hides little surprises. And you can’t wait to look in the desk drawer to see if you can find some Skittles. (You did tonight, of course). You ate the M&M’s and Little Bites that are always available and Grandmom and Granddad’s house.

When you come over you always play with our little Brio train set. And you love to ride the little toy motorcycle we keep in the garage. Tonight, after dinner you put on your bicycle helmet, and we all took a walk while you rode your bike. You’re so good at balancing on it that you’re almost ready to ride a “real bike.” Of course we had to walk over to the fountain where you love to throw rocks into the water. Almost every time you come to our house we walk over there, I get the rocks that are in the bottom of the fountain, and you throw them back in. You’ve been doing that almost as long as you could walk.

Right now you’re at the stage where you love to wipe my kisses off whenever I kiss you, because you know I don’t like it when you do that. I act like I’m sad when you wipe my kisses off, so you come to me and tell me to kiss you so you can wipe another one off. But I noticed that when you left tonight, you didn’t wipe off the last kiss I gave you.

As soon as you left I missed you. I wanted to text you and tell you to have a good night’s sleep. I wanted that one last little connection with you. But I knew you were taking a bath and getting ready for bed. I hope you had sweet dreams of all the fun stuff we got to do at our house today.

After you left I couldn’t help thinking about next Monday when you will be going to school for the very first time. You’re going to preschool. It’s just two mornings a week. And it will be good for you. You’ll learn to be away from Mommy and Daddy for a little while. You’ll make new friends. You’ll play with the trucks they have at school. The playground will be fun and exciting. And you’ll learn so many new things.

But Granddad is having a hard time with it. At this moment in time you live in a little bubble that’s safe, and comfortable, and fun. Mommy, Daddy, Grandmom, and Granddad pray with you, tell you that Jesus loves you, and teach you things that we know and believe to be true. Pretty soon you’ll be (only slightly) released into the world where you might learn things that aren’t always in your best interests. You might see things that I wish you’d never have to see. You’ll experience kids taking away your toys and refusing to share, they’ll say things that wouldn’t meet the approval of Mommy and Daddy, and you might be a little scared or sad at some of the things you experience.

But, in the end, I know that you have to grow up. I know that you have to go to school. Everybody does. But always know that your Granddad loves you so much he would give his very life for you. Always know that, more than that, Jesus loves you with a love that will never, ever end, die, or fade. Always know that your family is filled with your biggest fans who will love and support you through it all.

Take your backpack that’s covered with trucks, your little lunch box, and wear your brand new Vans. Go out into the big, wide world equipped with all that great stuff. But even more than that, go out there wrapped in the love, protection, and peace of God. Because, after all, He loves you far more than I ever could. And I want to tell you, Crosby, that’s a whole, whole lot. More than you will ever know.

I can’t wait until you come over to our house again.
I love you, Buster. Thanks for being my little buddy.

Love, Granddad.

My Top Ten Most Read Posts from 2017

It’s time for all those end of year retrospectives, so I guess I’ll add my own. The year 2017 was filled with an array of events both globally and personally. But it seemed as though you, my readers, were interested in things having to do with church, hurricanes, and family. Please allow me to thank you for returning to my blog again and again. Without anyone to read these posts this blog wouldn’t exist. My deepest thanks to you if you’ve read just one post, or if you read every one that comes out. I appreciate you.

So without any further adieu, here are your favorite posts from 2017. Have another look:

  1. What It Means When Your Church’s Worship Isn’t Cool
  2. 5 Reasons We Miss You When You’re Not in Church
  3. Welcome to the World Crosby
  4. Why the Solar Eclipse Should Make Us Look Down (And It’s Not What You Think)
  5. Why Waiting with Patience Is an Important Lesson
  6. One Very Good Reason God Created Marriage
  7. What It Takes to Be a Good Church Member
  8. What It’s Like to Live Through a Hurricane
  9. When Memorial Day Becomes Real
  10. What to Do When You Doubt That You’re Good

Have a Happy New Year!

What was your favorite thing about 2017?

What It’s Like to Live Through a Hurricane

It was the most massive hurricane to ever power through the Atlantic Ocean. And for days we knew it was more than likely coming our way. I wrote here about the uncertainty of all that. Living through a hurricane is a unique experience. The closest thing to which I can compare it is a snow storm that dumps two feet of snow…but with much more force and destruction.

Going through a hurricane is a process. There are things you experience before the storm, during it, and then as it breaks up into a tropical storm and goes away.


  • Hype: If you live anywhere in the country you certainly heard about Hurricane Irma. But If you live in Florida it was on TV, the radio, newspapers, social media, and overheard in every conversation out and about. Yes, this was a strong storm. Yes, it was important to prepare. But the hype was more than over the top.
  • Uncertainty: First Irma was supposed to come straight up the east side of the state. Then she was supposed to come straight up the middle. Next she was supposed to come up the east side of the state. Then straight up the middle. The famous “cone of uncertainty” that they show on every broadcast was so big it was maddening. Finally, Irma came up the east coast then straight up the middle of the state. So I suppose they were sort of right.
  • Purchases: You should have seen the stores. You’re supposed to get your hurricane preparedness supplies well in advance of the season. But of course people don’t. So there was a run on bread, water, batteries, and canned goods. Now that the storm is over we have two cases of bottled water we never touched and a whole bunch of canned goods that will probably end up at our local food pantry. We also have a battery powered transistor radio that we didn’t even use, and probably won’t use again until the next hurricane (God forbid).
  • Preparation: You have to prepare your house. Some people boarded up their windows. We didn’t…and were a little nervous about that. All of our porch furniture and plants came into our house. There were towels in every window. Everything got unplugged. I turned off the air conditioning breaker. The garage doors were locked and we backed our cars into the garage doors so that they wouldn’t flex and blow off the house. We even put our pictures in garbage bags and important papers in the trunk of my car. Our really important papers came with us. In addition, we also have photos of just about every item in our house in case we needed to make an insurance claim.
  • (Lack of) Sleep: It’s very difficult to sleep in the days leading up to a hurricane. All the things you have to do to prepare are running through your mind. Worst case scenarios are running through your mind. All the uncertainties are running through your mind. No sleep.


  • TV: During a hurricane the TV, as long as you can have it, is your lifeline. You watch the cone of uncertainty narrow down to become nearly certain. Then you watch the bands of the storm get closer. It keeps you awake while every last little bit of wind and rain squall is analyzed. (Why is it that the worst part of a hurricane always seems to hit in the middle of the night?)
  • Snacks: Now’s the time to break out the snacks you bought. Most of them can be eaten right out of the bag or box since you’ve been anticipating a power outage for weeks. Everyone sits around nervously eating stuff they usually wouldn’t be.
  • Fear: See TV above. The media will do whatever they can to scare you to death so that you keep watching their station and they can sell more advertising. Yes, a hurricane is very serious and shouldn’t be messed with. But let’s have a little bit of balanced reporting.
  • Family: In the midst of a potentially life-altering storm, along with your faith, this becomes the most important thing. We were thankful to be able to ride the storm out with our daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. It was very real, very good, quality time. The bonus was the meals our son-in-law cooked us while we waited for “the worst.”
  • (Lack of) Sleep: How can you sleep when a hurricane is blowing through your town?


  • Water: Now, let’s see. What do we do with all the water the media told us to buy before the hurricane? I’m sure we’ll eventually use it.
  • Restaurants: If you own a restaurant, and have willing employees, open your restaurant as soon as humanly possible after the storm blows through. Since we were downtown we were able to walk to a pizza joint that opened at 4 in the evening the day after the hurricane. We got there before 4:00 and it was already packed. The entire time we were there a line of people was waiting outside the door. And as we walked home with leftover pizza in the box no less than three cars stopped in the middle of the road to ask us where we got it.
  • Assessing (damage): Since we were not in our own home for the storm, we were worried about what we would find when we got home. All in all, we were fortunate to have only some interior damage to our window sills from seeping water. Others fared far worse. Insurance companies, power companies, home improvement stores, gas stations, and grocery stores are working overtime to help people with all the issues that have arisen from Irma.
  • Waiting (for power): I’m here to tell you that having no power is no fun. Especially when you live in hot and humid Florida. My heart goes out to those who are still (four days later) living without power. We were without electricity for about a day-and-a-half, and that was bad enough. Linemen who bring our power back are true heroes.
  • Sleep: One of the best nights of sleep I have ever had was the night after our power was restored and the storm was all over. I can’t remember the time I slept that well. Must have needed it.

What have you learned from living through some kind of natural disaster?






When Fame Begins With a Piece of Paper and a Pen

They say the heart of rock and roll is in Cleveland. I recently had the chance to feel that heart beat when I visited the city and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. One of the highlights for me was to see artifacts from one of my all-time favorite bands: Electric Light Orchestra. I got to see highlights of their induction which happened earlier this year. In addition, there were guitars, clothes, and other artifacts from the band that brought back memories and fascinated my creativity. It was fun to see how fame often has humble beginnings.

I was most fascinated by the numerous handwritten artifacts. Most of them were the original manuscripts of famous songs. The songwriters took pen to paper and scratched out lyrics that are now on the hearts, mouths, and minds of millions. It speaks to the power of simple paper and pen.

Jeff Lynne, the founder and front man of ELO, talked about the encouragement he received from his father. He picked up a used guitar and started writing songs. His dad saw Jeff’s potential, bought him a new (used) guitar, and told him to keep on writing. That encouragement led to a lifetime career in music, working with former members of the Beatles, and being part of a “supergroup” named the Traveling Wilburys.

Certainly not everyone needs, or even wants, fame. But we all need a certain kind of fame if we want effectiveness in our work or vocation. Every leader needs to be known well at least by those one leads. What better way to become known than by writing?

While we were in Cleveland I ran into a good friend who wants to do just that. Their kids are now all out of the house and she wants to start a blog. So she asked me about how to get started, logistics, and content. She has a great idea for her blog. I’m certain that she will attain the kind of fame she desires. She has the passion and the ability. She’s about to use her newfound fame for the benefit of others.

All it takes is putting pen to paper. Who knows where it might lead? There are all kinds of people in my life that I wish would write and put their musings out into the world. It would make this world a far richer place.

Why not you? You might even end up in some kind of hall of fame, even if it’s your own family hall of fame.

What can you write today?




Hemingway and the Simply Complicated Way to Creativity

Ernest Hemingway may be the 20th century literary creative icon that stands above all others. He wrote such masterpieces as The Old Man and the Sea and A Farewell to Arms. When it comes to creativity you could do worse than to look to him. In 1934 a young man named Arnold Samuelson hitched a ride on a coal car from Minnesota all the way to Key West. His goal was to spend at least an hour with Hemingway trying to learn something about the craft of writing. He ended up spending a year with the master.

Amongst the many other things Samuelson learned, this was one that stood out. Hemingway said:

The most important thing I’ve learned about writing is never write too much at a time… Never pump yourself dry. Leave a little for the next day. The main thing is to know when to stop. Don’t wait till you’ve written yourself out. When you’re still going good and you come to an interesting place and you know what’s going to happen next, that’s the time to stop. Then leave it alone and don’t think about it; let your subconscious mind do the work.

I’ve heard it said (though haven’t tracked down a reliable source) that Hemingway would use a simple technique to keep his writing moving. He would apparently write half a sentence at the end of the day. He knew how it would end. So he’d be able to pick right up the next day where he left off. It sounds easy. But it’s really not.

The hard work of writing came as Hemingway would write and rewrite. It came as he would the morning hours writing what he had researched and dreamed up in his mind. Hemingway claimed that he rewrote A Farewell to Arms over fifty times. Nothing complicated about it. Write. And then rewrite. Not complicated, but very difficult and very hard work.

Two lessons from Hemingway:

  1. Quit when you know where you’re going next. Use your own trick to “stop in the middle of the sentence” and pick up where you left off.
  2. You won’t have a masterpiece on your first try. Don’t be afraid to tweak, rewrite, re-work, and do whatever you can to refine your work. It will be all that much better.

What tricks do you use to inspire your creativity?

This is part of an occasional series of lessons in creativity from creative masters.

5 Reasons We Miss You When You’re Not In Church

One single issue in the church has become increasingly prominent in this still new 21st century. It’s the issue of regular weekend worship. For the purposes of this post we’ll define “regular worship” as attending a church service three to four times per month. In my very limited experience (the viewpoint of one congregation), the number of people living up to this definition is fewer and further between. But it appears that my experience isn’t unique.

Here’s one opinion. When you are a member of a congregation, and you miss church, it’s not just about you. There are people who need you and miss you.

There are at least five reasons we miss you when you’re not in church:

  1. Our church family is not complete. Church is a family that is not connected by human blood, but by the blood of Jesus. In some ways, we are closer than our human family. We are a forever family. When one or more of us are missing we are, in a very real way, incomplete.
  2. Our song isn’t quite as strong. Music is an integral part of worship. Even in heaven. But on earth our song isn’t quite as strong when voices are missing. What should be full-throated praise ends up sounding much more like a whimper.
  3. Our financial stewardship is weakened. It’s been shown that when people don’t attend church they aren’t likely to make their regular donation. When people are in church they are far more likely to make a donation of some kind. They are moved to give by the preaching and power of God’s Word. When churches struggle with their bills there is ministry that fails to be accomplished.
  4. Our pews and seats are empty. You might wonder why this matters. “OK…so there are some empty seats.” But think of the guest who walks into the church and wonders where everyone is. There’s a good chance they might not return. People like to be a part of things that are on the upward swing.
  5. Our gifts and talents fall short. When we don’t all join together for weekend worship we don’t have all of our gifts and talents in one place. Just think of the opportunities that might be missed. It might go something like this: You’re an idea person and I work well with my hands. You come up with an idea to build a brand new baptismal font. I have the ability to build it. But if we aren’t together in church to make a connection between the two of us this beautiful piece of art will never happen.

See what we miss when you’re not there? We miss you. And you are an important part of who we are as God’s people.

We’ll see you in church this Sunday, OK?

When a Fire Takes Away Everything You Own

Two of my high school classmates recently lost their homes to fires. The same thing nearly happened to us this past Saturday. I was away at church. Tammy was home with our son, Ben, and his wife Emily. Tammy broiled something in the oven. She looked away just a bit too long. Next thing she knew she looked into the oven and it was filled with flames.

Tammy yelled to Ben to call 911. Of all times for him to be away from his phone this was it. He is never away from his phone. It’s attached to his hand. But this one time he didn’t have it. So she grabbed our fire extinguisher, pulled the pin, aimed it into the oven, and shot. Just like that the fire was out. And just like that there was extinguisher residue all over the house.

By the time I came home it was all cleaned up. Tammy was still shaken up. It could have been much, much worse. We could be homeless today.

But we’re not. When Tammy told me what happened, the first thing I thought about is what I would miss if our house burned down. I honestly couldn’t think of too many things that simply couldn’t be replaced. But this event reminded me:

  • There are plenty of things I should get rid of. If I wouldn’t miss it if it were lost in a fire, maybe I should give it away, donate it, or recycle it.
  • The most important things in life aren’t things. There’s nothing more important than faith and family. I would never want to lose either of them. Thankfully neither have been taken away.
  • Even though I wouldn’t miss much of my “stuff,” it would be horrible if I lost it. I’m certainly not wishing I would lose my earthly possessions. They do mean something, or I wouldn’t have them. But I had better remember that their lasting value is limited.
  • A home in which to live ought not be taken for granted. It’s so nice to come home at the end of a day and find a place that is comfortable and filled with the people and the things that are significant to us.
  • A fire extinguisher is a mighty important thing to have. You never know when you’ll need it.

How do you take stock of your priorities?

How to Love Like Christ Loves His Church

St. Paul said it. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25). Impossible, right? Yes. It is. Christ gave Himself for the church by hanging dead on a cross. You or I could never fully live that kind of love. That’s utter and complete sacrifice. But there is a sense in which we can live a fraction of that kind of love. I’ve seen it.

If you have a son-in-law I can only wish for you that he would live up to the standards of mine. We liked Josh from the minute we met him. But we love him even more now that we have seen the way he treats our daughter. Even more so throughout the course of her recent pregnancy and delivery of our first grandchild.

I can’t even count the number of times he said to her over the last nine months: “Are you OK?” He made sure a healthy, picture perfect dinner was ready for her every night when she came home from work. Josh oversaw her diet. He cautioned her about what to eat and what not to eat (or drink). Josh accompanied her to every doctor visit and did what he could for her when she experienced the pain of contractions. The decorations in the corner of their little apartment have just as many of Josh’s fingerprints as Ashlyn’s.

In the 48 hours before the delivery Josh took Ashlyn to the Labor and Delivery Triage at the hospital no less than three times. He was with her through every contraction and push. Now that little Crosby has been born his care for our daughter and his new son has been ramped up even more. He’s more involved in feeding, and care, and newborn tactics than I ever was. Josh is serving them hand and foot…literally.

He has not hung on a cross for them, but I’m pretty sure he would if he had to. It doesn’t mean he’s any more saintly than you or I. It just means that he loves in the way that he has been called to by Christ Himself. He is giving of himself in nearly every possible way. He sacrifices self for the sake of those he loves.

I couldn’t ask for more for the ones I love so much.

When have you seen this kind of love?

The Blue Hue of Christmas

Merry Christmas! He Qi is one of my favorite artists. His Nativity speaks to me so much so, that I can’t help but contemplate it each year at this time. He Qi brings the Nativity into his own Japanese culture. It’s a reminder that no matter our culture, our Christ comes to us. What strikes me about this work more than anything is the piece of fruit in Jesus’ little hand. I believe it’s significant. Read on to find out why.

Nativity, by He Qi. Used by permission. Click here to view and purchase prints and posters.

A few years ago I wrote a meditation on this piece of art. I’d like to share it with you again for this Christmas of 2016:

The hue is blue, but the mood is not. Into the pale, dark depths of a broken and fragmented world, a Star falls and lands into the waiting arms of a young lady, pink and pure.

Faceless angels spread their arms in blessing, while sheep and goats bow their heads in praise. A father’s lantern wants to lend some light, but the Star provides a beam that will not be overcome.

Lost in wonder, rag-topped men can do nothing else but crane their necks and gaze into the sky. From whence this light? From whence this love? From whence this Beaming Babe?

A Star has fallen into the waiting arms of a young lady, pink and pure. And in His tiny hands, Eden’s fruit that, this time, will not be consumed.

Spread your arms in blessing. Bow your head in praise. Bask in the light that will not be overcome. Lose yourself in wonder and crane your neck in eager expectation.

The hue is blue, but the mood is not! The Morning Star has come to bring His beaming brightness into the pale, dark depths of a broken and fragmented world. The hue is blue, but the mood is not.

How does this version of the Nativity speak to you?